Writing To Greek Goddesses Isn’t Topical

Written on the eve of my 40th birthday. This is what happens when I smoke weed and read Byron.


I’ve puzzled, Calliope, on this twister:
Do you have laptops on Mount Helicon?
Like, one for you and eight for all your sisters?
Oh, not for Facebook; not for Amazon;
but so you Nine can see what’s going on
in all the budding genres of the Arts?
When at your desk – I guess, a nonagon –
do you keep tabs on all the modern charts?
so you can – as of old – inspire creative hearts?
Do you, dear Calliope, check my blog?
Or show Urania NASA’s new advances?
Does Clio read, at all, the Captain’s Log?
Does Pitchfork bring Terpsichorean dances,
or iTunes soothe Euterpe’s blissful trances?
Does Polyhymnia glut on Songs of Praise?
Erato gorge on Hollywood romances?
Melpemone – The Archers? Radio plays?
Are social media memes Thalia’s job these days?
Or, in this world, digitally augmented,
are there newfangled spirits who are muse
to every nascent art-form that’s invented?
of podcasts, selfies, Vines, online reviews;
computer games, and hipsteresque tattoos?
A goddess for the dubstep fan who clamours,
and one for those who illustrate the news;
for web designers, binary programmers,
and one for all of those unique three-minute slammers?
The reason that I ask, sweet Muse, is this:
it seems a lot of work for nine of you,
and at your age, it frankly takes the piss,
how you can manage that I fail to do!
I struggle with technology, it’s true –
and neoteric gimmicks leave me cold;
I’ve friends enough to help me bimble through,
but ‘trendy’ is a young man’s game, I’m told,
so am I doomed to obsolescence now I’m old?
So stay forever young, my Muse, stay young!
and keep my poesy fresh, despite my age;
keep topical the wit upon my tongue,
keep relevant the topic of my page!
See, ‘currency’ to me’s a scanty wage
and I’ve always been lazy (ask my mother).
So help me, Muse, when here upon this stage
I choose to stand (it seems I can no other) –
stay young, au fait, and cool – so I don’t have to bother.

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